When Things Aren't Perfect

One of my favorite motherhood bloggers/authors, Sally Clarkson, often writes about the ideals she has had in motherhood and in life. These ideals aren't meant to make us feel guilty when they aren't met; rather, they are meant as something to strive for.


After reading her book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (co-written by Sarah Mae) last week, I pulled out my journal and wrote a list of ideals for my days at home. This list included lighting a candle for the dinner table as we sat down to eat each night, playing soft, soothing music in our home, and now that Miss G is getting old enough to understand stories that we read to her, reading from a simple children's Bible story book.


The first few days of practicing these ideals went well. Dave and I enjoyed relaxing at the dinner table and talking about our days with music playing in the background before wrapping things up with the Bible story book.


Then came last night: Dave had training after school, which meant that he wouldn't be home for dinner at 6:30. Miss G and I didn't get home until just after 6, so I hurriedly scooped out the leftover shepherd's pie to heat up while Miss G sat in her chair and ate crackers. With the local classical radio station on in the background, I finally sat down at the candle-less kitchen table to eat with Miss G. Things were going well, until Miss G decided she was done with dinner long before her mama was. Her response lately has been to throw her food on the floor when she doesn't want to eat more, so we had a mess on the floor before I reached over and took her tray away, telling her she needed to wait for Mama to finish eating. This resulted in many tears of frustration from her. I cleared the rest of my plate, then grabbed the Bible story book to take into the living room with Miss G. We sat on the couch together, and I opened the book to our next story.


But I didn't make it past the first sentence before Miss G decided she was done and grabbed the book to look at herself. She ended up settling on the floor, flipping through the pages as she'd occasionally exclaim at some exciting illustration while I remained on the couch, thinking about how the evening's dinner routine was far from perfect.


I could have stayed on that couch all evening, sulking about how we hadn't met our ideals for the day. I could have been discouraged that Miss G didn't get her spiritual nourishment that day. But instead, I focused on what really mattered. First, I tried to meet the ideals I had written down. Second, Miss G and I were both fed a nutritious meal and spent time together. Third, and I think most important of all, there was grace to cover this imperfect night.


Sometimes it's so easy to disregard grace for ourselves when we don't meet our own expectations, but grace is an essential part of the equation in living a life of ideals. (Perhaps it should be included on our list of ideals.) When things aren't perfect, may I never forget that grace.