When Things Aren't Perfect

One of my favorite motherhood bloggers/authors, Sally Clarkson, often writes about the ideals she has had in motherhood and in life. These ideals aren't meant to make us feel guilty when they aren't met; rather, they are meant as something to strive for.


After reading her book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (co-written by Sarah Mae) last week, I pulled out my journal and wrote a list of ideals for my days at home. This list included lighting a candle for the dinner table as we sat down to eat each night, playing soft, soothing music in our home, and now that Miss G is getting old enough to understand stories that we read to her, reading from a simple children's Bible story book.


The first few days of practicing these ideals went well. Dave and I enjoyed relaxing at the dinner table and talking about our days with music playing in the background before wrapping things up with the Bible story book.


Then came last night: Dave had training after school, which meant that he wouldn't be home for dinner at 6:30. Miss G and I didn't get home until just after 6, so I hurriedly scooped out the leftover shepherd's pie to heat up while Miss G sat in her chair and ate crackers. With the local classical radio station on in the background, I finally sat down at the candle-less kitchen table to eat with Miss G. Things were going well, until Miss G decided she was done with dinner long before her mama was. Her response lately has been to throw her food on the floor when she doesn't want to eat more, so we had a mess on the floor before I reached over and took her tray away, telling her she needed to wait for Mama to finish eating. This resulted in many tears of frustration from her. I cleared the rest of my plate, then grabbed the Bible story book to take into the living room with Miss G. We sat on the couch together, and I opened the book to our next story.


But I didn't make it past the first sentence before Miss G decided she was done and grabbed the book to look at herself. She ended up settling on the floor, flipping through the pages as she'd occasionally exclaim at some exciting illustration while I remained on the couch, thinking about how the evening's dinner routine was far from perfect.


I could have stayed on that couch all evening, sulking about how we hadn't met our ideals for the day. I could have been discouraged that Miss G didn't get her spiritual nourishment that day. But instead, I focused on what really mattered. First, I tried to meet the ideals I had written down. Second, Miss G and I were both fed a nutritious meal and spent time together. Third, and I think most important of all, there was grace to cover this imperfect night.


Sometimes it's so easy to disregard grace for ourselves when we don't meet our own expectations, but grace is an essential part of the equation in living a life of ideals. (Perhaps it should be included on our list of ideals.) When things aren't perfect, may I never forget that grace.

Happy New Year (Two Weeks Late)

When Dave and I planned our vacation to Scotland, I knew that the holidays would be different. First, I'd be spending my first Christmas ever away from my family. Second, I'd be watching the Downton Abbey Christmas special in real time rather than two months later in the States. And, third, my usual gusto for the New Year, with its excitement about that new start that comes on January 1, would probably not exist in alignment with the calendar.

Yes, I tried to brainstorm a few New Year's resolutions, but I was too busy taking walks along the beach, riding buses and trains, and visiting with friends and family to really do anything productive about my 2014 goals. There was absolutely no guilt associated with my putting those resolutions on the back burner, but I will admit that the new year felt a little off once we landed in Chicago on the 6th of January.

This past week, I've caught up on blogs about creating goals for the new year and making 2014 the best year yet, all while I've been catching up on sleep to make up for the 24 hours straight I was up during our trip home, looking at our still-packed suitcases sitting in the kitchen, and ordering takeout for our meals. I really wanted to start this year on a good note, but I wasn't feeling it as I struggled through the adjustment of being back home.

Then the idea came to me: I would start my "new year" two weeks late. In other words, Wednesday, January 15 will be my fresh start. I'm giving myself a few days to reflect on how I want this year to look. (So far, I've come up with the goal to read 24 books.) Then, next Wednesday, I will begin anew. Maybe I'll even pour myself a glass of sparkling juice to celebrate, or at the very least, enjoy my Whittard tea first thing that morning.

Here's to a wonderful 2014!

When Parenthood Is Messy

As the parents of only one child, Dave and I have only experienced a small supply of messes. Although I was half-asleep those first few months of parenthood, I well remember the fountain of spit-up that would follow a feeding, the numerous loads of laundry full of stained clothes, and the emergency baths when wipes just weren't going to cut it.

I know that in the future, we'll likely experience the "fun" of cleaning up a finger paint mural on the wall or floor, the spilled milk on the kitchen counter, the baby powder blanketing the nursery. And, if we have any other children, we'll get to experience the spit-up stage again and again.

But whenever G makes a mess, like she did tonight even, I don't yell at her or decide that the mess is too big to clean up and just give up on being her mama. I clean it up (sometimes frantically before she can get into it again) and give her a cuddle if she's feeling upset about it. I realize that making messes is all a part of G's life right now.

Currently, we're still dealing with the physical messes, but I know that we'll experience other messes, too. The ones that aren't so easy to clean up. The ones that require a prayer for wisdom as we navigate a broken friendship or a broken heart together.

Parenthood is full of messes, but we as Christians have an amazing example of what it looks like to be a good parent. Our heavenly Father patiently walks with us through our messes. He doesn't give up on loving us, no matter how big the mess may be.

As I think about the mess we had to clean up and the love I still feel for my daughter even though she required a lot of work tonight, I'm reminded of my Father, who still loves me even when I make my own big messes.

Hospitality

Two of our dear friends have just left after an enjoyable evening of cheesecake, coffee, and conversation, and I must say it was a wonderful way to kick off the weekend. These are friends we don't have to put on a show for. Yes, I did tidy up a bit before they came, but I didn't care that there was a pile of baby clothes still on the bar stool in the kitchen. Tonight, we were all able to relax as we chatted and sipped our coffee.

Dave and I decided to be intentional about inviting people to our home on a Friday night for dessert. Our original goal was to do this twice a month, but given our other social commitments on Friday nights, it seems one time a month is working well. I suppose you could say it was a New Year's resolution considering it began in January with inviting two of my coworkers and their husbands. We simply pick up a pie or other special treat, bring out the box of K-cups for guests to choose from, and chat about anything and everything either around the kitchen table or spread out among the comfy leather couches in the living room.

Although I'm an introvert at heart, one of my desires is to open our home to others. Through our marriage, this has taken many forms. We've hosted college students here on choir tours, friends and family visiting from Scotland, small group meetings, and annual Christmas parties. At this stage in our lives, it's a bit more difficult to go out in the evenings when Miss G's bedtime is 6:30, so it makes perfect sense to invite people over instead of making plans to meet at a restaurant. Buying something already made at the grocery store may not sound as charming as a homemade treat, but it's the best I can do for now, and I'm perfectly fine with that. What matters to me is that our friends feel at home when they visit.

And, really, I think that's what hospitality is all about. Forget about the fancy desserts or the entertaining games. Hospitality is simply about making others feel welcome in your home.

Sunday Reflections (February 10)

Yesterday, Dave and I dropped off Miss G at the nursery, walked to our seats in the second row, and sat down to read our bulletins together for the first time in so long we couldn't even remember the last time we'd attended an entire service together.

It was an amazing service to attend, too. Our church has special weekends a few times each year when we invite high-profile guests to share their stories. We've had sports legends, television stars, and simply inspiring people who have walked through heartache and come out stronger because of Christ's work in their lives. Anyway, our church's guest this past weekend was Matthew Luhn. His name may not be familiar, but you definitely know his work if you've seen Pixar movies like Toy Story, Finding Nemo, and Up. Matthew Luhn is one of the many people involved in creating the stories we enjoy when we watch Pixar films.

Matthew grew up with a family who encouraged him to use his gift of drawing. They didn't squash his dreams but instead encouraged him to shoot for the stars in his career. He ended up working as an animator for The Simpsons at the age of 19. As a parent, I was really encouraged by this example of being your child's number one cheerleader. Once G gets old enough to exhibit some of her gifts, I hope to be able to encourage her to use them. As a Christian, I hope to encourage her to use those gifts in service to God, who blessed her with them. She may not become a superstar, and that's okay. My prayer is that she does the best she can do with what God has given her.

One of the favorite things I heard in the service was something our pastor said during the altar call. He said, "The problem is that we want to write our own story. And then we mess it all up." It is certainly human nature to pluck that pencil from our life's Author and begin to write our own version of the story. But that only leads to a bunch of crumpled up paper. Instead, we need to let God hold the pencil and trust that his story for our lives is a true masterpiece and better than anything we could ever create.

Sunday Reflections (January 27)

Most churches see an increase in attendance this time of the year thanks to New Year's resolutions and people pledging to attend church more in the next year. It's funny to me, then, that my church attendance this month has been less than stellar. Let's see, there was teaching the preschoolers on the first week, sitting in the lobby with Miss G the second week, attending my nephew's dedication and consequently spending more time in the lobby with Miss G last week, and staying home this week thanks to a promised ice storm and the desire to avoid slipping on any ice while carrying my daughter into church by myself since Dave had other church obligations.

I guess I was physically inside a church 3 out of the 4 weeks this month, but I wasn't able to sit and receive what God might have for me through worship or a sermon. I can feel it, too. It reminds me of a time in my life a few years ago when Dave and I were serving every single time the church doors were open and unable to attend any services. That was one of the darkest periods of my life. I don't want to return to that.

I hope that next month will bring more opportunities to be filled rather than to pour out. (Not that pouring out is bad; I just need to be refilled.) In the meantime, I'll be listening to those sermons I missed this month and asking God to fill me with His strength this week.

Sunday Reflections (January 13)

Our church is in the middle of a series about why we do what we do in our weekend services. Today the focus was on worship--my absolute favorite part of a church service. (Really, if I'm late and miss even one song, I feel like my experience at church is incomplete.)

Now, you can argue that worship isn't just about a church service and that it isn't really just about the segment of the service when we sing a few songs. It's true that worship encompasses our entire lives and that it can be expressed in church through not only singing but giving, praying, studying the Bible, and serving various ministries. But my favorite expression of worship is what is usually titled "worship."

All of that to say, I was really looking forward to hearing this sermon. But I had a little girl who absolutely loves to make noise in church and requires me to hang out with her in the atrium when she's not in nursery. I didn't hear most of the sermon while I kept Miss G occupied, but the subject got me thinking about worship and what my favorite worship songs are. This is a little different from what I normally post, but below are a few songs that get me excited about worshiping God.



What are some of your favorite worship songs?

Sunday Reflections (January 6)

My Sunday morning was spent teaching two- and three-year-olds, so today's reflection is a quote from the book I'm currently reading, Saving CeeCee Honeycutt. It's a young girl's first attempt at praying:

Hello. My name is Cecelia Rose Honeycutt, and I live at 831 Tulipwood Avenue. The preacher on the radio said if we opened our hears and asked, we'd be saved. He said it was that simple. So I'm asking, will you please save Momma? Something's wrong with her mind and it's getting worse every day. And while you're at it, will you save me too? There's nothing wrong with my mind, but I sure could use some help down here. I'll do anything you say. Thank you. Amen.

Often in the entertainment world, whether it be movies or books, a first prayer is depicted as comedic. But what struck me in CeeCee's prayer was her innocence. Yes, it's funny that she introduces herself to God and that she tells Him where she lives. But it's clear that there's no pretentiousness in her prayer.

My hope is that my prayers, although not including an introduction or my address, would contain such honesty and openness with God. He doesn't need me to wear a mask. After all, He knows exactly what I'm feeling before I even open my mouth. May my prayers be as honest as CeeCee Honeycutt's.

Reading List 2013--Part One

With the arrival of Miss G last May, my brain became mush, and the most it could handle was watching House Hunters or My First Place. I tried to read, but my free time was spent napping or rushing around, trying to finish up household chores while I could.

I've really missed reading, though, so this year I've decided to be more purposeful about it. My goal is to read two books each month for a total of twenty-four books read this year. I'm hopeful I can balance fiction and nonfiction, but my to-read list is leaning heavily on the nonfiction side. (If you have any fiction books that you'd like to recommend, please leave your suggestions in the comments.)

On the blog, I'm going to track the books I plan to read and follow up with reviews of what I've read. Because I know my interests may change and because I really don't know which must-read books I'll come across this year, I've decided to post quarterly rather than list all my to-reads in one post.

Here are the books I plan to read in the first three months of the year:

Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey (January nonfiction selection)
Dave and I attended Financial Peace University at our church a couple of years ago, and at least one of us enjoyed it. (Ha!) We have some new financial goals that we'd like to meet, so I'm hoping Financial Peace Revisited will give me a boost in the motivation department.

Saving CeeCee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman (January fiction selection)
I can't remember where I'd first heard about this book, but I picked it up on my last visit to the library. Since I have it, I might as well select it for my January fiction read.

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker (February nonfiction selection)
My employer annually offers book groups for employees to join. I've been a participant nearly every year, and this year, I'm planning to lead a discussion of 7. I'm excited about reading this book, which I'm expecting will challenge me and others in the group.

The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien (February fiction selection)
Can you believe I have never read The Hobbit? With the recent release of the movie based on this book, I've decided it's a good time to dig into this classic.

Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst (March nonfiction selection)
Unglued was all over the blogosphere when it came out last summer, and it's been sitting on my bookshelf for a few months. It's about time I actually read it!

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (March fiction selection)
I have picked up this book, started it, and then put it down without finishing. In March, I hope to actually finish this classic.

2012--A Year's Review

Last night, when Dave and I were reflecting on the past year, we agreed that the theme of 2012 would be change. In 2012, we moved, lost a parent, had a child, started new jobs, welcomed a nephew, and left our church. Phew! People would ask us how we were making it, and our answer was, simply, God. He is the One who gave us strength through it all. Now, as we begin 2013, we hope this new year is a bit more settled. But we know from experience that God is faithful, even in the most tumultuous of times, and He is more than capable of giving us strength when we're at our weakest.

In order to remember all that went down in 2012, I thought I'd do a quick month-by-month recap of the year.

January--House Drama
We started out the year with an offer on what appeared to be a nice starter home. Then we discovered it may or may not be in a flood plain. After our praying that God would kindly slam the door shut if this wasn't the house for us, our inspector discovered huge cracks in the foundation that were causing the house to shift like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. There was our answer! The next week, we found another home that was perfect for us! Our offer was accepted, and we made plans to close on the house in March.

February--It's a Girl!
February 3 was a very special day for us because we found out we were having a girl! I had been convinced it was a boy, so I was very shocked. We decided, in order to ensure that people would give us the gender neutral items we'd registered for, we wouldn't announce the gender to anyone other than our family until I had my baby showers. It was one of the toughest secrets to keep!

March--We Bought a House?!
After signing our lives away, we walked out of a nondescript office building with the keys to our first home. In that month, our garage door opener broke; the water heater's pilot light wouldn't light, requiring an expensive call to the heating guy; and our pipes in the kitchen sprung a leak or two. I wondered if home ownership was all it was cracked up to be as we settled in and paid for these unexpected home repairs. (I'm happy to report that having this home is, indeed, worth it.)

April--Flying Solo
After a valiant fight against cancer, Dave's dad took a turn for the worse in April, so Dave headed to Scotland to be with his family for two weeks. It was difficult being apart during this time of uncertainty, but Skype calls helped, and we had amazing people from our church looking out for my eight-months-pregnant self while Dave was away. Three days after Dave returned to the States, his dad passed away. We miss him a lot, but we're grateful he doesn't have to deal with the pain anymore.

May--Surprise!
Miss G wasn't due until June 12, but she decided to surprise all of us by arriving on May 19. I spent a lot of that day in shock, not really believing that my daughter was indeed on her way. In the weeks that followed, I couldn't imagine having to wait any longer to meet Miss G.

June--Parenthood
The month of June was a blur. We were getting used to being parents of this tiny human being, adjusting to sleepless nights, and loving every minute of it.

July--First Trip
Dave and I decided to celebrate our anniversary with a trip to Michigan--Miss G's first big trip out of state. She was a champ, and we had a lot of fun going to the beach, drinking Biggby coffee, and eating our anniversary dinner at Logan's Roadhouse.

August--Ch-ch-ch-changes
Yes, most of the year was filled with change, but August was by far the craziest. In August, I embarked on a new journey in my career as a work-at-home mom; Dave began new jobs as a resource teacher and a kidmin assistant at our church's main campus; and we welcomed our nephew to the family. With Dave's new job at church, we had to leave our local campus and attend the main campus again. August marked the last month of regularly attending our local campus.

September--New/Old Church
As I mentioned in the August review, we moved back to the main campus of our church in September. This was a difficult change, and Dave and I prayed a lot about his decision to take the kidmin job when we learned it would involve this move. This was the month we learned that following God's direction in your life isn't always easy, but it's worth the sacrifice.

October--Happy Birthday
Nothing much happened in October. We celebrated my birthday at the beginning of the month, and we continued to attend a marriage class at church, which we both really enjoyed. All-in-all, although it was a "normal" month, it was nice to experience normal again.

November--Baby Dedication
For many years, I would participate as a member of the congregation for many dedications, imagining what it would be like to dedicate my own child someday. In November, Dave and I stood before the congregation to dedicate Miss G to the One who gave her to us. I know I haven't been a mom for very long, but that moment will be one of my most treasured memories.

December--First Christmas
Everyone told us this year was going to be so much fun now that we had a child. I think we'll have more fun once Miss G is old enough to realize a little bit more about what Christmas is all about, but this year was a wonderful celebration of the best gifts our family received this year--Miss G and her cousin.

The year 2012 was without a doubt a crazy one, but it was good. Our heavenly Father was with us every step of the way, and even during the times of uncertainty, knowing He was walking beside us, and sometimes carrying us, was the reason why I would consider 2012 an amazing year.

Sunday Reflections (December 30)

How can it already be the final Sunday of the year? It feels like just yesterday we were in the middle of October, and we're already looking at 2013's beginning.

This weekend at church was what I would call an "off" week, not because the preaching was bad (in fact, it was excellent!) but because we were stuck between the end of Advent and the beginning of a new series.

Today's message was about Nicodemus, and it was given by our church's college pastor, who also happens to be a professor at a local university. I had never heard him preach before, but I really enjoyed his take on the story of Nicodemus.

Nicodemus is mentioned only in the Gospel of John, yet he is a brilliant example--based on his negative attributes--of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

First of all, a genuine disciple surrenders totally to Jesus even in the face of intellectual uncertainty. Most of us familiar with Nicodemus know that he had a difficult time understanding what Jesus meant when He said we must be born again (see John 3). Nicodemus approached Jesus with only his reason, but not every question has an answer that can be found through reason. In order to be followers of Jesus, we must let go of our grasp on reasoning and insert a bit of faith.

Second, a genuine disciple demonstrates loyalty to Jesus publicly without regard to personal cost. I had never realized that Nicodemus is mentioned two more times in the Gospel of John after his secret meeting with Jesus. In John 7:50, we see that Nicodemus is among the crowd of Jewish leaders who have gathered to ridicule Jesus and those who believe in Him. When Nicodemus, in his own way, questions the leaders' approach regarding Jesus, he is quickly shut-up and doesn't speak up again. In this point, Pastor Joel encouraged us to compare Nicodemus's actions to those of the woman at the well and the blind man who was healed. They were not ashamed to proclaim the works of Christ. Not being ashamed does have a caution, however: we must be wise as we live out our Christianity in the public sphere. Too many times we've seen those who have not applied wisdom and have embarrassed our faith rather than promoted it.

Third, a genuine disciple  follows Jesus without confusing religious activity for real relationship. In John 19, Nicodemus joined Joseph of Arimathea to bury Jesus. This devotion of Nicodemus is admirable, except it comes too late: Nicodemus is serving a dead Jesus. In the same way, we can be at risk of serving a "dead" god by serving religious activities rather than having a relationship with our living Savior.

I feel kind of sorry for Nicodemus. Here he is, a man who made quite a few mistakes when it came to learning about and deciding to follow the Messiah. But he has contributed to our faith by, in his own way, showing us what it means to be a genuine follower of Christ, even if that means doing things the exact opposite way Nicodemus did them.

Sunday Reflections (November 18)

Today was the final sermon in our church's recent series on marriage. I have learned so much from our church since Dave and I started attending three years ago, but I would definitely say that this series has been my absolute favorite. The practical tips and the timing (yes, having a child completely throws your marriage for a loop) had me furiously writing notes and thinking of ways to apply what we were learning these last few weeks.

Today's message was given by Jim Burns, president of HomeWord and author of books for couples, ministry leaders, and teens. Today's topic was on protecting our marriages, and while everything the speaker said was encouraging and challenging, two things stood out to me.

The first thing was Jim's point on commitment. In an age with numerous attractive distractions, we need to schedule our priorities, not prioritize what's on our schedule. If you asked most Christians what their priorities were, they would likely list them as (1) God, (2) marriage, (3) children, and (4) vocation. But do we often live as if that were the order of our priorities? We need to proactively arrange our schedules so that they reflect the proper order of priorities instead of letting them get out of control.

The second thing was what Jim called The Closer Challenge: "I will commit to spending 20 minutes together a week to build spiritual intimacy with my spouse." Jim and his wife decided to implement this after they had tried and failed to have daily devotions together. (Oh, can I relate to that!) The point is that anyone can find 20 minutes each week to devote to building spiritual intimacy. What will fill this time? Reading a book on marriage or spiritual matters out loud to each other, praying, discussing spiritual things. Although this wasn't mentioned, listening to a podcast together and then discussing the topic would be another option. The main point, however, is to commit to spending time together each week.

I am sad to see this series come to a close, but I am so grateful for all that I learned from it. Our church is such a blessing, and I am so thankful that God led us there three years ago.

Yes, Michigan

I've grown up visiting Michigan many times in the fall thanks to having a mom who hails from the mitten state. Most of my fall in Michigan memories involve rain, clouds, and a chill in the air. But some of my memories include the excitement felt in the state when their two biggest college teams meet on a Saturday afternoon to play for the Paul Bunyan Trophy.

Today we found ourselves in the state for lunch with our Michigan relatives. (I may or may not have selected this date to coincide with one of my favorite sports rivalries.) People with Michigan and Michigan State apparel could be seen in the Panera we met at. My family teasingly trash-talked each other's favorite team, including giving my brother a hard time for allowing my nephew out of the house in State colors (he was, thank goodness, wearing his Michigan socks). The barista at Biggby, spotting my Michigan sweatshirt, asked if I thought we would win. "We better!" I replied.

Sure, there's the Cubs vs White Sox rivalry in the cross-town classic here in Chicago, but nothing beats the feel of college football match-ups. I don't know if I've ever discussed a Chicago team's status with a stranger. In Michigan, you suddenly find yourself a part of a big family of fellow fans, and you feel comfortable talking to anyone else wearing their support (and giving dirty looks to those cheering for the other team--just kidding, maybe).

Alas, we were already on our way home to Illinois by the time the game started, but we found it online via a Michigan radio station and listened to the last quarter. With only a few minutes to go and Michigan trailing by one point, the streaming stopped! We found out Michigan scored a field goal only by refreshing the scores page over and over again. Soon my parents' house was filled with the notes of "Hail to the Victors."

What a perfect ending to one of my favorite fall days!

Quiet

I was working alone in my office at work a few days ago when I realized just how quiet it was. At the moment, there were no coworkers talking or walking past. I had forgone my usual working soundtrack to better focus on the project at hand. It struck me that I must have a lot of noise in my life if I was suddenly noticing the quiet of my office.

Tonight Dave and I had Shark Tank on while Miss G was still awake. Dave had to rewind it multiple times to catch what had been said in the middle of Miss G's babbling. She filled our house with her shrieks and laughs and "stories" (what we call her "Ga-ga-ga's" and "Ha-ha-ha's") until it was time for bed. Then she filled the house with her cries until she finally quieted down and fell asleep 20 minutes after I'd first laid her down in her crib.

Having a baby in the house is certainly part of the reason why my life is so noisy, but there are other ways I invite noise into my daily routine. Most days begin with the radio on in the kitchen as I prepare my breakfast while everyone else is still asleep. Nearly every day ends with talk radio in the background because it helps me fall asleep. In between, I automatically hit the power button for my radio just as soon as I start the car. And there's often a TV show or movie on in the evenings after Miss G goes to bed.

In addition to physical noise in my life, I invite a lot of mental noise in, too. I flutter from Google Reader to Facebook to Twitter back to Facebook again, only to be inundated with new blog posts, status updates, and tweets. Frankly, 99.9% of what I read isn't essential; it is more of a hobby. But when does that hobby start taking up too much brain space and making too much noise?

I don't have a challenge to give myself, but I do wonder if life with a little less noise would be better. I know that this week, spending the hour between Miss G's bedtime and mine reading a book in the quiet rather than watching TV has helped me wind down more easily. I know that from past experience, I have felt more relaxed and in tune with what's around me when driving in the car without the radio on. No, I won't challenge myself to 30 Days of Quiet, but perhaps I'll be a bit more intentional about making time for it.

Sunday Reflections--October 14

I thought that this past weekend, I would spend Saturday evening at home while Dave was at church, then join him for the first service on Sunday morning. But wouldn't you know, my plans were changed when Dave asked me to pinch hit for some volunteers who couldn't lead small group in the kids' ministry. Because Dave works with the elementary-age kids, that meant I was assigned to lead second and third graders. If you know me, you know that I love working with preschoolers. Ever since I started volunteering in children's ministry, I've only worked with kindergartners and younger. Saturday night's task was, strange as it may seem, a bit intimidating for me. (I know--who's afraid of second and third graders?)

Although I was dreading it, I walked into the classroom and headed to a table full of boys and one girl playing with Legos. We started talking about school, and after one boy said he wished he could be finished with school already, we chatted about what they wanted to do when they grew up. Before we knew it, we were headed to large group, and then it was time for small group.

Because we had so many kids in the class (I think the count was 44) and only 3 small group leaders, my small group was actually quite large. We went through the questions, including one that really struck me: How does following God sometimes take you out of your comfort zone?

Immediately, I thought of where I was in that moment--teaching elementary-age children. I never would have chosen on my own to work with that age group, but I knew that God wanted me to. The result was an incredible time connecting with the kids over Legos and talking about standing up to bullies at school and encouraging girls that they were beautiful and that they don't need to worry about looking dumb. (As a new mom to a daughter, that last part really got me.)

Saturday evening definitely took me out of my comfort zone, but as I reflect on this past weekend at church, I learned the most from my time teaching those "scary" older kids.

Thirty-One

My thirty-first birthday began with my daughter crying in her crib at one in the morning. My tired, selfish self thought, Really, baby girl? After weeks of sleeping until 5 you decide to wake up early on your mama's birthday? My loving, knowing-all-too-well-these-days-are-numbered self thought, Oh, she just wants to wish her mama a happy birthday before anyone else. I focused on that positive thought as I reached down for her, picked her up, and took advantage of some extra snuggles. (She did give me a birthday gift by sleeping until 7 after that, so my selfish side had no reason to whine.)

Having a baby this year was the number-one reason why my thirty-first birthday felt so weird. Every other year since graduating from college and starting my career, I've tried to take a day off from work to celebrate the day by sleeping in, reading, and going out for a nice dinner with Dave. Last year, to celebrate my entrance into another decade, we splurged and stayed at a fancy hotel in Grand Rapids. This year, however, I didn't have the option of taking a break from my responsibilities. Trust me, I wouldn't want another quiet birthday if it meant not having Miss G around. But the day was a reminder of how different my life is now that I'm a mom.

Another reason this birthday felt different from the rest was because it offered me a time to reflect on the past year, and although a lot has happened since I turned thirty, I hadn't slowed down enough to actually think about all I've experienced in the last twelve months. Since I turned thirty, we bought a house, Dave lost his dad to cancer, we had a baby, we went through a period of uncertainty with Dave's employment, Dave's mom lived with us for two months, my job description changed to work-at-home mom/work-at-office mom, and we changed churches. Phew! All year, people would compliment me on how well I was taking things, but it wasn't until my birthday that I realize I'd really been stuffing most of the emotions that came with all of those events. By the end of the day, I was just plain tired after contemplating everything.

Last year, my hope was that I would finally feel like an adult, and I'd say that I certainly accomplished that. This year, however, is the year to rebuild. Our lives were thrown into a tailspin by both good and bad things, so now I hope to get back on track, find out who I am now that my titles include "Mama," and continue living this crazy life. I know I won't get my act together right away, and I know it will never be perfect, but I hope I'll have a year that I can look back on and be proud of, one where I can say, "God was clearly working on me and changing me to be a better follower of him."

Sunday Reflections--September 16

I was all set to type up my notes last night, but Miss G had a terribly difficult time settling down. Instead of sitting in front of the computer, I ended up rocking my baby girl to sleep--a change of plans I didn't necessarily mind.

****************************************

This week's sermon about prayer focused on what our prayer should look like. Pastor Jameson used the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) as our template as we went through three questions about prayer.

1. Should we use patterns or be spontaneous? (v. 9) In the Lord's Prayer, we're given a pattern. The prayer begins with addressing God, then it's a request relating to God, followed by a request that's related to human needs. But before we think all we have to do is follow this exact formula, we need to know that this pattern is given to guide our praying. It's more of a launching point than a strict pattern to follow. The Lord's Prayer sets up the priorities of our praying. As we look at each line of the Lord's Prayer, we can allow it to inspire us about what to pray in those categories. I have heard of the ACTS pattern for praying, but Pastor Jameson mentioned the CHAT acronym yesterday:

Confess
Honor
Ask
Thank

2. Should we express intimacy or reverence? (v. 9) We can express both intimacy and reverence. "Our Father" begins the prayer on a note of intimacy, but we know that God should be given respect, too. In Him, we have both fatherly love and heavenly power.

3. Should we focus on big stuff or small stuff? (v. 9-13) In case you haven't caught on, the answer to all these questions is both. Pastor Jameson gave us some practical ways to pray following the format of the Lord's Prayer:

"Hallowed be your name." Pray that God would be honored by people around the world, whether those in public positions to give Him honor or those who are being persecuted for loving Him.

"Your kingdom come." Pray that Christians around the world would witness and spread the good news.

"Your will be done." Pray that our lives will conform to God's will as it is written in Scripture.

"Give us today our daily bread." Pray for our practical, earthly needs.

"Forgive us our debts." Pray to confess our sins.

"Lead us not into temptation." Pray that He will rescue us from the evil one.

This week, our challenge was to build on setting a time and place to pray by incorporating what we should be praying about. It was a good reminder of the basics of prayer.

Sunday Reflections

Today was the start of our church's new ministry year. Our senior pastor returned from his annual study break to begin a new series on prayer. The announcements were full of new programs that will be starting up again now that we're entering the fall season. Today also marked the beginning of a new adventure for our family.

Back in July, Dave was offered a part-time position in the children's ministry at our church. It was an amazing opportunity for him, but it was a hard decision to make because taking that job would mean our family would have to return to the main campus of our church, a place we'd left last fall to help start a satellite church campus closer to our house. We prayed about it, discussed the pros and cons, went back and forth about what Dave should do, and finally decided that God was leading Dave back into vocational children's ministry and our family back to the main campus.

Because we promised to stay at the satellite campus through the month of August, today was our first Sunday back at the main campus. As I was sitting in the service, feverishly taking notes on the topic of prayer, I decided that today would also mark the beginning of a series I hope to keep up on the blog. In order to better process what I'm learning each week at church and to hopefully encourage at least one of my five readers, I'm going to use this spot to summarize each week's sermon.

*************************************

In the first week of a series on prayer, Pastor Jim shared three motivations for praying based on John 15:1-8:

1. The Relationship Motivation
2. The Desperation Motivation
3. The Fruitfulness Motivation

Too often we view prayer as a transaction and God as a cosmic vending machine. We pray that God will give us a promotion at work, and if it happens, we're happy and feel like prayer worked. But that's not the main purpose of prayer. Our main motivation for praying should be the relationship that will grow out of it. The branches that grow from the grapevine in John 15 symbolize the connection and intimacy we will have with God.

We often view prayer as something that should be done for the big things. We may pray for an upcoming surgery but not for finding our lost keys. We may thank God for getting us through a big test, but we may forget to thank Him for getting us through a normal work day. John 15:5 says, "Apart from me you can do nothing." As much as I may think I'm getting through life on my own, I'm really desperate for God's presence in my life. I am 100% dependent on Him. Pastor Jim posed a question for us that has really made me consider the state of my own prayer life: Are we desperate enough to make prayer part of our daily schedules? Looking at the current state of my prayer life, I have to admit I don't act like I'm desperate for God to be a major part of my life.

The final motivation for prayer is fruitfulness. John 15:8 says, "This is my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit." According to Pastor Jim, fruit can be character traits (the Fruits of the Spirit); good works done in Jesus' name; the people we introduce to Christ; and answers to prayer. Answers to prayer is probably one of the most popular fruits as far as what people would like to come from prayer, and sometimes we focus on prayers that God hasn't answered. Instead, we should focus on all the things that God has said and will say yes to.

Pastor Jim challenged us to decide when and where we will pray this week. I've decided to designate my time feeding Miss G in the morning as my time to pray. It certainly happens every day, so I'm hoping that will help me build this habit in my life. If you're realizing the need to be more disciplined in your prayer life, I encourage you to start by designating a time and place to pray for 10 minutes every day this week. Don't let guilt be your motivation to pray more. Instead, be encouraged by the relationship that will deepen, your desperation for God to work in your life, and the fruit that will come.

The Library

I love visiting the library. Since my childhood visits, when I would fill a plastic basket with reads, I have always enjoyed exploring the shelves to see what would catch my eye and provide hours of enjoyment during the next few weeks.

It's a good thing I'm so in love with the library, because after what has happened during my last two visits, I may have been tempted to give up out of embarrassment.

Situation #1: A nearby town has an amazing, three-story collection of books. We love going to this library because it provides a much better selection than our town's one-story building. It's also fun to simply explore a new place. Although we'd been checking out books from this library for more than a year, I had always relied on Dave's card and hadn't registered my own. A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to stop embarrassing my husband with girly books to check out and use my own card. I approached the librarian, explained what I wanted to do, and waited while she phoned my hometown's library to confirm that I was a patron. I was surprised when the librarian waved me over and said, "She wants to talk to you." As I took the phone and said hello, the librarian from my library started asking me questions. "What is your address?" "Why isn't it on file with us?" As I explained that I had moved only a few months before and hadn't realized I had to register my new address, she seemed to get more upset. She sternly told me, "Well, you need to come here with proof of your new address within the next week. If you don't, your account will be blocked." What?! Now, I can understand a librarian being angry about someone using his or her card if that person has moved out of the district, but I was still paying taxes to fund her collections. I promised I would stop by, then handed the phone to the librarian, who looked shocked by what had happened. Fortunately, she was kind enough to proceed with registering my card, and I was able to check out books under my name.

Situation #2: Yesterday, we returned our books to the super library and went in search of new reads. I picked up a couple of interesting nonfiction books then selected a Sophie Kinsella book that I hadn't read yet for my "mindless" read. We approached the front desk, and I handed over my library card and books to the same librarian who had gone through embarrassing situation number one with me only a few weeks earlier. Everything was fine, until she held up the Sophie Kinsella book and asked, "Would you like to buy this?" I'm sure I must have had a confused look on my face as I glanced at the scratched-out barcode inside the front cover. "No," I replied, wondering how that book had ended up next to all the other Sophie Kinsella books that were not for sale. I told her where I'd found it, explained that I didn't want to buy it, and finished up the transaction, walking away without the book. Again, I had somehow managed to embarrass myself at my favorite library.

It seems that every time I visit this library, I'm taking a chance. Will I leave unscathed with my pride intact? Or will I find yet another way to make me look like a goon? I guess I'll just have to go and find out.

The Power of Words

I've finally got my hands on The Help and have been enjoying it immensely any spare moment I can find. A few days ago, I came across this excerpt and knew I needed to write it down so I would always remember:

She say, "Mae Mo bad."

The way she say it, like it's a fact, make my insides hurt.

"Mae Mobley," I say cause I got a notion to try something. "You a smart girl?"

She just look at me, like she don't know.

"You a smart girl," I say again.

She say, "Mae Mo smart."

I say, "You a kind little girl?"

She just look at me. She two years old. She don't know what she is yet.

I say, "You a kind girl," and she nod, repeat it back to me. But before I can do another one, she get up and chase that poor dog around the yard and laugh and that's when I get to wondering, what would happen, if I told her she something good, ever day? . . .

After while, Mae Mobley come over and press her cheek up to mine and just hold it there, like she know I be hurting. I hold her tight, whisper, "You a smart girl. You a kind girl, Mae Mobley. You hear me?" And I keep saying it till she repeat it back to me. (The Help, p. 92)

It's so easy for us to forget the power of words. Now that I have a child who is just beginning life with a clean slate, I have been reminded of how important it is to watch what I say. I want Miss G to be built up by my words, not torn down. I also want her to hear my words building up others rather than tearing them down.

It's easy now to encourage Miss G. She is surrounded by people who tell her she is the cutest, smartest, best baby in the world. But I know my desire will be challenged when she gets older. It won't be so easy to follow when she spills the milk for the hundredth time or makes a masterpiece with permanent marker on her bedroom wall. 

In the same way, as she comprehends more and more of what I say, it will be difficult for me to always say positive things about people. I don't want to be an example of a person who snaps at her daddy or badmouths others. I want her to see the value in positively encouraging others, whether in their presence or not. I want her to understand the power of her words and what they can do to help people.

Just like Aibileen, I want to tell Miss G, and others in my life, that they are something good every day.